Piecing the Puzzle

I've known her for more than 6 months now(Since June), and the time has come that I must put all of it to pause.

I've had more than my fair share of problems, fiduciary, scholastic, and relational, and what is unfair is that when my parents talk to me they attribute the root cause of the problem to the fact that I love her.

For you to fully grasp the gist of what I am saying let me explain:

1.) I have financial obligations to some of my clients of my business, the money I already spent. They say that I didn't actually spend the money, rather, I sent it to her.

2.) The reason why I didn't attend the majority of my classes was because I spent the time I was supposed to be inside the classroom with her.

This is unfair. Especially on her part. She had nothing to do about any of the problems I have. To be sincerely honest, the problem was with my addiction to "other" girls.

There was a lapse in time during my knowing her when she didn't talk to me anymore. Refer to this blogpost last November http://alanfrancisang.blogspot.com/2010/11/cold-november.html

When that happened, I was devastated because the girl I have grown affection to suddenly just disappeared. Although we haven't met yet, I knew that she was special - different from any other girl. So when that happened, I foolishly gave up. Forgot about everything. And moved on. I met different girls.

I dated 8 different girls. All at the same time. Sometimes went out with a whole bunch of girls. I'll be frank, I did enjoy it for all it's worth. But the feeling was temporal. It isn't that feeling I was looking for.

I had lunch dates and dinner dates in one day, sometimes even had the night out. I threw parties left and right at the house when my parents weren't there. The clock turned fast during that time, I had many absences in my classes, and the money I had earned was fast gone - I even spent some of what was not my income.

This led me to become deep in financial problems because of my mismanagement of money. And this problem still trails where I make footsteps now.

When the time came that I got to actually meet her in person(http://alanfrancisang.blogspot.com/2010/11/one-way-ticket-to-love.html), everything went away. I gave up on dating other girls. She was what I was looking for. What I was longing for.

But cruel as the world may be, though I may have stopped meeting other girls, throwing parties, having nights out and the countless dates, my problems with money were still there.

But my parents just recently found out about all of my problems. And guess what? She was the only one there in the picture.

It's unfair that for the mistakes I've made that she would be pinned as the cause. No. She is not the cause. She is my redemption. She has been giving me advice on what to do with my problems and so far, it has really helped.

My natural response to problems is running away from it. But she told me to stand strong (http://alanfrancisang.blogspot.com/2010/12/blog-post.html)

Now, my father told me to stop communication with her. He told me that he would call her and tell her as well. But to my surprise he told her a different story.

He told her how much I was in love with her and how maybe she could be the one to set me straight. But I do not really understand whether he means that she must also stop communicating with me or to help me through advice.

She wants to keep her distance. She believes it's better if she was out for the picture for the time being. She reassured me though that she would always be there for me. That we are still friends.

Friends.

That isn't the word I hoped we would be some day.

Nonetheless, I must say goodbye to her - be it for now or forever.

Whatever happens though, I'm really happy that I got to know her. That I fell in love with her.

Scratch that, I'm not happy. I'm happier than happy.

Thank you for everything. I know you are the only one reading this. I really appreciate everything. I love you babe.. Goodbye :'(