Maybe, Just Maybe

Before I write anything, I'd like to thanks the girls from CSA-B who have been reading my blog. I really appreciate it.

I have been thinking a lot recently about what action to take and what direction to head to with my circumstance right now. I'm confused as to what to believe in since I am void of any of her feelings because of the distance. :|

A few days ago, I asked her:
"If I were to court you, that must mean that I must be ready for competition right?"

This was because she told me what happened to her a few nights ago. Her friends and she went to a comedy bar sort of thing in Alabang. I forgot why, but for some reason she was called up on stage to sing, and she did. Apparently, she mezmerized the crowd with her voice - as what I've said, the best I've listened to. After that, some guy approached her and asked if he can add her up on Facebook. She gave him a fake name hahaha. I won't go into detail with this story since it is quite a lengthy one, but to make a long story short, this guy stirred up a commotion at the bar which led Jessica and her friends to go to Starbucks instead.

Now back to what I asked her - she told me that there is no competition, that there are no suitors or anything like that. Unbelievable, I thought. Everytime she stepped out of the comfort of her house, some guy always manages to try to either hit on her, ask for her name, number or whatnot.

I told her that if what she is saying is true, that if there are no suitors, I know why. I texted her:

"Maybe that person doesn't wanna court you just yet because he still is unsure of how you feel towards him, and is afraid of getting turned down. Maybe because he just can't see that you really do have feelings for him because of the distance. Maybe because you and him have a friendship that he treasures, and if he courted too early or at the wrong time, it would make your friendship with each other awkward - he wants to wait for the right time. Maybe because he'd rather just have you as his friend than risk losing that friendship you have with him , even if he already has fallen so hard in love with you because all he really wants is to keep you close. Maybe because he knows that you still have feelings for your ex, and even if what is done is done, he still is considerate enough to take into account your feelings because he knows you are still in a fragile and delicate state. Maybe because he just wants to wait for the time that you would open your heart to him , that he would see that you also do have feelings for him and that you've also fallen for him too. Maybe because he feels that he has to prove himself to you to show you that he is worthy, and for the sake that you would also see that he truly loves you with all his heart. Maybe because he wants you to be truly happy, as lovers or friends, either way, because deep inside, it's your smile that inspires his. Maybe, just maybe."

She liked what I texted her, and I feel that that was the only way I could tell her how I feel since I was never really good at expressing my emotions, especially if I am unsure of how the person I am sharing to will take it. Nonetheless, what I told her was entirely true, and so lies a great task ahead of me - to show her that I really meant it.

Ciao you guys,
alanfrancisang