Back for Good

I'd like to talk about certain things before I kick off with my blog once again.

Sometimes in life, we stumble down and fall. You can't always expect it to be always the way you want it. Life isn't about winning - it's about experience. It doesn't matter if you fall 10 times, what's important is that you stand up 11.

Okay, back on topic.

I haven't written for more than a month now since I decided last Christmas to abandon this blog since I saw that there was no use for it anymore.

For the past month, Jessica was busy with this pageant she joined in Binan, Laguna. We weren't able to communicate much since she had a really hectic schedule. Not that it's a big deal, but I'll be honest enough to admit that it really made me miss her a lot. We never had a meaningful conversation because everytime we were able to talk or SMS it was either just a "hi" or a "good night".

She didn't make the top of the pageant, even if she was clearly one of the quality candidates, no bias in my opinion. But then again, a lot were taller than her and apparently that was a factor. And the one who won the pageant was the daughter of a city employee, who also was the niece of the mayor. So no question there, it was the connections that boosted her. No point in arguing who should win, what's done is done. A trophy can always be won, but experience is hard to come by.

Yesterday, while I was surfing the net and playing a game of DotA, she texted me to call her. I wasn't really expecting her to tell me anything maybe she just wanted to say hello, so I called her. When she answered my call, she was crying.

Her ex boyfriend called her. He wanted to get back with her, to give him another chance. Now, for the sake of protecting the identity of Jessica's ex boyfriend, I will not say what went wrong with their relationship. He told her that ever since they broke up, he realized that he did not just lose her, he lost a friend, he lost a sister, he lost the love of his life. He won't be able to bear seeing her in another guy's arms.

Suffice to say, he hasn't totally moved on. But so did Jessica. She admitted that she still has feelings for him, but she wouldn't give him another chance because of the familiar pain that she might feel again. She told me that she was so hurt when they broke up that now, even if she is about to fall for someone else, she has to contain her feelings because of her fear of getting hurt again. She told me that a broken glass can always be fixed, but you will always see the cracks. She asked me what I thought about the matter, and even if I really wanted to speak my mind, I denied my own opinion for the sake of not having a bias in the advice I would give her.

"A glass can always be fixed, but you can always see the cracks - but then again, if you were to melt the glass and make a new one, that's another story"

I told her that he made a mistake. Maybe even more than once. But who knows, people do change. Even if they are prone to repeat mistakes, some people sincerely change for the better. With this in mind, he too could have also changed. Maybe this time, it would be forever. I know I don't have the right to influence her decision, as long as she is happy I'd be happy as well. Her smile is what inspires mine.

"Opportunities are never lost; someone will take the one you missed" - a lesson to those who take things, people, and opportunities for granted. 


I could really tell that she was really in love with him, and maybe even still is. Honestly, I don't know what to feel. I mean, I'm kind of caught in the middle. I am her friend, and I wanna help her. I want to help her decide on what to do without any bias, yet let's be honest, I'm in love with her. I'm trying not to be jealous, but I don't know - do I have the right to be jealous?

I'm still trying to sort things out for myself. I want to know the things that I should really pursue - the things that I want to be part of my future, the people I wanna have in my life, and the things that I must leave behind. Am I wasting my time? My effort? My affection? It's been 3 years since my last relationship, but I don't care how long I have to wait. But I wanna know if I really am waiting for something. I need a sign! But is it selfish to ask for one? I know I must be patient, but patience over something that yields nothing is but a waste of your time. Nevertheless, I'll trudge on believing what I want. I know that I will have my day, that I will have that moment with her.

I'll see to it she will never talk to anyone about how I broke her heart, but talk about how I am part of it.